Emotions, for a very long time, have been gendered. For decades, the belief that women are more emotional than men has been
one of the most consistent gender stereotypes. However, with ever increasing
awareness and acceptance, one comes to realise that the gender stereotypes may
apply to beliefs about the expression of emotion more than to the experience of
emotion. We, as a society, often talk about emotions of women, children,
and the sentiments of elder people. People believe that women express all
emotions more than men, with the exception of anger and pride, which are seen as
uniquely masculine emotions. If a woman cries, it isn’t considered
unusual because women are ‘allowed’ to cry. Women are free to express
themselves; people accept their moods and tears.
Our society has this convention where
men may not cry; they are not permitted to show their vulnerable or sentimental
side. Whenever they feel pain, they can’t let it show on their faces because
they are afraid that people might not approve of them or that people will make
fun of them.
All these concepts of patriarchy and
societal norms impose heavy rules and responsibilities on men. Gender roles set
by patriarchal values force men to behave in a certain manner. These societal
norms have a different impact on the male
population —
•
Image
of a cold-hearted person- Men are always forced to adhere to a cold-hearted persona.
They can’t shed tears, or express their sadness and sorrow in front of people.
Our society always expects them to be confident, stronger and to have a bold
image which can tough through difficult situations.
•
Forced
gender roles/norms- The
patriarchal structure of society has set certain kinds of gender roles for men
and women. It defines that man is the bread-winner who will take care of his
family. He is supposed to fulfill the needs of his family. This concept forces
a boy during his teenage years to take those academic fields/career, which will
help earn a surplus amount of money, so one day he can provide for his family
efficiently. No one bothers to listen to what he wants to do, what he wishes to
become, if he wants to take an artistic line as his career like musician,
painter, designer etc. Society will not give him that respect, and he cannot
achieve a deferred status for his role.
• Negligence - Our society neglects the feelings men would wish to
openly express. If a man is having mood swings and is mentally exhausted, then
people around him will get irritated and instead of understanding the reason
behind his mood people label him like- moody, rude and short-tempered. This
negligence cause’s harm to his mental growth. When our feelings get little
attention, then it turns into an unstable mindset.
This concept of not giving much
attention to man’s emotions and sentiments exists, not only in the family, but
outside of it as well. In the job sphere, men have to face certain restrictions
because of their gender. Suppose a man wants to leave his office early enough
to reach his house at an appropriate time. However, his boss refuses to let him
leave because he is a man and hence, travelling at night should not be a major
concern for him. Here, the boss disregards his employee’s feelings about a
certain situation that makes his employee uncomfortable. Why is okay for a man
to travel late at night?
All these questions are often
ignored. Let’s talk about another scenario — a man, exhausted from his job, is
sitting in the metro on his way home. Suddenly, a girl enters the crowded
metro. In contrast to the man, she is energetic and invigorated. Despite this,
social convention and gender norms dictate that the man should give up his seat
for the girl.
All these examples show us that we
need to throw a light and start talking about the emotions of men. A man is
faced with different questions about the different paths of his life, but he
never has time to open up about himself. He is always programmed to behave like
a robot with no feelings. He is compelled to delight others.
There are few things which we can do
to show our support and show that we care about their emotions, too. There are
ways through which we can remove this problematic situation -
•
Stop
ignoring and start listening- Instead of ignoring a man's feelings, we should start paying more
attention to them. Ignorance causes many problems, but when you give your time
and attention to someone, they open more about themselves. Give men some
liberty to speak and let them express whatever they have in their hearts.
•
Don’t judge- If a man seems to not be in a
healthy mental state, and seems to be distracted, then instead of judging him
we should give him hope. We should help him find what he’s looking for. We
should boost his morale, and we should give him time, so he can make precise
decisions.
•
Stop
economically pressuring him- Yes, a man has an image of the breadwinner in a society. He is overly
burdened by societal norms. To normalize this, let’s reduce this
pressure and let him achieve what he wishes for. If he wants to paint
instead of engineering, let him be. Men are humans too, and they too need
support. But due to l restrictions, many do leave their dreams behind.
•
Remove the burden of patriarchal norms- Patriarchal values
dictate a man to follow a certain set of rules. They trap men under these set
of rules. They are not allowed to get outside it, which creates
so many hindrances for them. The concept of the
movie ‘Ki and Ka’
clearly
defines that man can do household too. If a man wants to
stay at home and wants to do household chores while managing his work from
home, then let him be. Society cannot remain the same and at some point it will
take a turn. If a man wants to wear pink and purple, then encourage him to do
so.
If we believe in the concept of
equality, then we need to look into this issue. Emotions are not linked to
women; they are connected to men as well.
“Men can cry too, because they are
humans.”
By- Divya Dhakoliya
Edited by- Ashwin Aulakh
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